Call me liar

Ok, things haven’t gone so well in the past days, nothing has gone as well I have planned, and it sucks, since this past January, everything has changed in my relationship, we were supposed to spend more time together, do things that normal couples do in their time together, but we, rarely talk now, if he is not busy at his office, he’s somewhere else delivering something or he’s at any kind of meeting with his clients or at the court attending some appointments’ with the judge. He has a busy life and I am at the bottom at his lists, well that’s how I feel…

It was supposed that we have plans, weddings plans but I seem none of them going any further, and the last thing I did, was with the intention of helping him, not that I wanted to hear some bad news, yes, BAD NEWS for me.

I am in a country that is not so strange for me because I lived here a few years ago but that doesn’t mean that I do not need him less all the opposite I need him more than I ever did before, our plans were if I have moved here we were to get more time for us, and that my friends has not happened in that way, when he comes he rarely stays more than two days, we go out to do some things for his work o clients. That bothers a bit specially when I have expected something else.

Few days ago I spoke to one of my leaders we have a very long talk, he made me reconsider my relation with him, gave me some things to think about, his spiritual side and some others things. Like the temple recommendation that I have been waiting for a year and a half from him, this talk gave me a very new view and many questions without answers.

The last week, with my mom went to the temple and there I gave up any though, all questions or doubts in prayer, the answers came. What I have to do is for my soul’s sake, that afternoon I received a call from the stake leaders for an interview, I said yes to the calling and this is the other part of my personal answer received at Celestial Room. I wasn’t so sure to tell him about this and when I decided to do, his reaction just throw me to the deepest disappointment I ever had, he said: “oh, that’s a big responsibility and have to travel a lot”. He didn’t sound so happy o excited. He was flat, no emotion no nothing. This was and is important to me, because is the first time a work with other stake leaders and he was so “ok”  I regret it, I shouldn’t have told him anything. Not a single word about it. If he doesn’t care neither I should about his success nor should I? I am thinking about it. I am mad right now and more than mad: SAD.

I have other expectations but reality hit me in the face with a big bat. Ok, it didn’t happen like that, but it felt like that.

What am I going to do? Just work on my answer and my new calling, things someday and somehow will work out as well as Father in Heaven wants to.

One thing for sure I can do now, is to testify about His answers to our prayers. When we pray with all our hearts given Him any burden, doubts or questions, He will answer back is his perfect time, when we are ready to take the next step.

Closing cylces

Closing Cycles

Closing cycles in all phases of life have never been more hard, horrible it is everything but nice! A divorce, broken relationships, fights, getting fired, your dad left home? Those are just cycles we must close. I know it’s hard and painful, I have gone all through these types, my knees have been pushed to the ground too.

Sometimes we got scared because de unknown future, of what I going to do, or what I am going to eat, or if I going to find the job I want.

Cycles and cycles, every single thing on earth have cycles, to begin or end with, I am at the edge of one my cycles, I don’t like it because it means to leave my mom and my sister just for a time, this is terrifying me a lot, I mean A LOT...

Nobody have it easy, clean and simple. Want to eat your own veggies from your back yard? Must get dirty, wet and sweat it.

Sometimes can suck, everyone at least once in lifetime have dreamed about getting you want in a eye blink, it’s tempting but does not worth it I can tell. Can you see yourself in the same frame, running in circles, not changing anything? With the same colors? I must apologize, because I get bored easily and very frequent, So I thank God for those cycles in life. I thank Him for thinking of me and knowing me, as one of His children on earth I praise Him for His Son Jesus Christ, He got the most hardest task, taking the sins of all mankind, pains, doubts, frustrations, tears and even the those allergies (Alma 7: 11-13, John 1: 14, 29) , at the edge of His life, He show us the path, in the hardest part of His journey He torn to His Father in Heaven seeking for help and guidance. Did He accomplish His divine mission? Yes He did. He ended his own cycles with God´s help. (Matthew 11: 28-29)

Closing those cycles we have right now or those that will come eventually are just to refined us as daughters and sons of a Mighty King… you may think that I am just talking because it’s simple. No. it is not simple, nothing in my life have been simple. Getting graduated from school, or college were a tough task, duty or cycle whatever you want to call them. Yes it took a while but I did, don’t ask how did I managed my work, homework, projects, family and serving in the church only God knows how I did it. He gave the strength I needed to go forward every day, even if at the end of each day my needs felt weak, and my soul feeling sorrow, He gave me that piece of strength I needed. Step by step, line by line. (Luke 1:37-38,  2 Nephi 28:30)

If it is simple it might not be so worth it. Closing or getting to end of something are just blessings around the corner or behind the door. Just think about it, life it is full of colors for those like me that we get bored easily. hahahaha... Tons of shades for all.

Kisses.

See you in the next one. ;)