Call me liar

Ok, things haven’t gone so well in the past days, nothing has gone as well I have planned, and it sucks, since this past January, everything has changed in my relationship, we were supposed to spend more time together, do things that normal couples do in their time together, but we, rarely talk now, if he is not busy at his office, he’s somewhere else delivering something or he’s at any kind of meeting with his clients or at the court attending some appointments’ with the judge. He has a busy life and I am at the bottom at his lists, well that’s how I feel…

It was supposed that we have plans, weddings plans but I seem none of them going any further, and the last thing I did, was with the intention of helping him, not that I wanted to hear some bad news, yes, BAD NEWS for me.

I am in a country that is not so strange for me because I lived here a few years ago but that doesn’t mean that I do not need him less all the opposite I need him more than I ever did before, our plans were if I have moved here we were to get more time for us, and that my friends has not happened in that way, when he comes he rarely stays more than two days, we go out to do some things for his work o clients. That bothers a bit specially when I have expected something else.

Few days ago I spoke to one of my leaders we have a very long talk, he made me reconsider my relation with him, gave me some things to think about, his spiritual side and some others things. Like the temple recommendation that I have been waiting for a year and a half from him, this talk gave me a very new view and many questions without answers.

The last week, with my mom went to the temple and there I gave up any though, all questions or doubts in prayer, the answers came. What I have to do is for my soul’s sake, that afternoon I received a call from the stake leaders for an interview, I said yes to the calling and this is the other part of my personal answer received at Celestial Room. I wasn’t so sure to tell him about this and when I decided to do, his reaction just throw me to the deepest disappointment I ever had, he said: “oh, that’s a big responsibility and have to travel a lot”. He didn’t sound so happy o excited. He was flat, no emotion no nothing. This was and is important to me, because is the first time a work with other stake leaders and he was so “ok”  I regret it, I shouldn’t have told him anything. Not a single word about it. If he doesn’t care neither I should about his success nor should I? I am thinking about it. I am mad right now and more than mad: SAD.

I have other expectations but reality hit me in the face with a big bat. Ok, it didn’t happen like that, but it felt like that.

What am I going to do? Just work on my answer and my new calling, things someday and somehow will work out as well as Father in Heaven wants to.

One thing for sure I can do now, is to testify about His answers to our prayers. When we pray with all our hearts given Him any burden, doubts or questions, He will answer back is his perfect time, when we are ready to take the next step.

Starting Again…

Once more… starting again haven´t felt so hard to bear.

I thought that was going to be kind of easy after all, so many struggle and obstacles I been trough get here where I am sitting, my mother’s opinion in some way has some influence in my decisions. I have to admit that I pay too much attention to others opinion, yeap… sucks some times to know how wrong you have been after all that time, calling “friends” who doesn’t deserve it, calling jerks to the one you should be calling FRIENDS, caring for others who don’t give a penny to help…

How wrong I have being. There was the person I considered her as my intimate friend, just to figure out she told all my life and my confessions to others, my very deep thoughts were exposed at the world without a sign of kindness.

Yes, you are right it was my fault to trust her even when mom told me to be careful especially with her, I don’t care a penny about her, she might start World War III at her own home but I am not going to be there to collect her pieces.

Here comes the hard part, forgive her because she doesn’t know what she wants in her life and she mess up everybody’s life.

Forgive and forget, how hard can that be to apply? It has been said that we, humans beings don’t forget easily, less, we forgive anyone offense, so easily.

Joseph, Jesus father on earth taught me one simple lesson, because he was to marry Mary and acknowledge she was pregnant, his first thought was to leave her secretly because he loved her so much to get her in more trouble like a public sentence to death. Leaving her secretly before witness was more kind, as a man maybe his ego was hurt and humiliated but the love he had for her was stronger than his pride. Then the angel assure him to not to fear because of Mary and her baby. (Mattew 1)

I some way Joseph must had a hard time deciding what to do, so I am, and the first step to take is to forgive her (my friend)

What she have done wasn’t that big tsunami that hit my life, but who I can trust or I will trust it won’t be so simple from now on.

Forgive, forget and go forward.

Closing cylces

Closing Cycles

Closing cycles in all phases of life have never been more hard, horrible it is everything but nice! A divorce, broken relationships, fights, getting fired, your dad left home? Those are just cycles we must close. I know it’s hard and painful, I have gone all through these types, my knees have been pushed to the ground too.

Sometimes we got scared because de unknown future, of what I going to do, or what I am going to eat, or if I going to find the job I want.

Cycles and cycles, every single thing on earth have cycles, to begin or end with, I am at the edge of one my cycles, I don’t like it because it means to leave my mom and my sister just for a time, this is terrifying me a lot, I mean A LOT...

Nobody have it easy, clean and simple. Want to eat your own veggies from your back yard? Must get dirty, wet and sweat it.

Sometimes can suck, everyone at least once in lifetime have dreamed about getting you want in a eye blink, it’s tempting but does not worth it I can tell. Can you see yourself in the same frame, running in circles, not changing anything? With the same colors? I must apologize, because I get bored easily and very frequent, So I thank God for those cycles in life. I thank Him for thinking of me and knowing me, as one of His children on earth I praise Him for His Son Jesus Christ, He got the most hardest task, taking the sins of all mankind, pains, doubts, frustrations, tears and even the those allergies (Alma 7: 11-13, John 1: 14, 29) , at the edge of His life, He show us the path, in the hardest part of His journey He torn to His Father in Heaven seeking for help and guidance. Did He accomplish His divine mission? Yes He did. He ended his own cycles with God´s help. (Matthew 11: 28-29)

Closing those cycles we have right now or those that will come eventually are just to refined us as daughters and sons of a Mighty King… you may think that I am just talking because it’s simple. No. it is not simple, nothing in my life have been simple. Getting graduated from school, or college were a tough task, duty or cycle whatever you want to call them. Yes it took a while but I did, don’t ask how did I managed my work, homework, projects, family and serving in the church only God knows how I did it. He gave the strength I needed to go forward every day, even if at the end of each day my needs felt weak, and my soul feeling sorrow, He gave me that piece of strength I needed. Step by step, line by line. (Luke 1:37-38,  2 Nephi 28:30)

If it is simple it might not be so worth it. Closing or getting to end of something are just blessings around the corner or behind the door. Just think about it, life it is full of colors for those like me that we get bored easily. hahahaha... Tons of shades for all.

Kisses.

See you in the next one. ;)

The Selection Series: The One

I read this book in a couple of hours and.... I love it!!!!!. But I think the were some things that were missing. I am just a reader, this is my personal point of view. The author has all the rights to do whatever wants to her characters.

1. Celeste, she was quite that girl with a hard shield over to protect herself from the world. Trying to be the tough-cares-nobody type. At the end of the series she only was a girl afraid from the future for her.
2. Kriss, I did not like her at all. But there is something we can learn from her. She just take the opportunity to get closer to prince Maxon. (We must take those chances to reach our goals)
3. America, never said to Maxon about that "talk" she had with King Clarkson after the rebels attack. Why?
4. America´s father, well... I wish he wasn't dead, so he could walk her in the wedding. And that reminds me about that suspicious talk he had with Maxon the day they met. (What had they said each other, I want to know but this is something selfish from me).
5. Anne, a very pity she die in the last minute.
6. Lucy, Does she was mad at America because of Aspen-boyfriend-thing? That made her retire from service in the palace o was just that she got tired of the attacks?
7. America discover the symbol of the rebels from North, The North Star, I think Maxon should have known this too. As he is described in the serie he is a smart guy, so why keeping this from him?
8. Kota should have been hung up for his behavoir. Big brothers should never act like that (If your a big brother that is not an accident, God let your born first becuase He trust you to take care of some of His children and to give a good example its part of our tasks)
9. Queen Amberly... I will wait patiently for the prequel: The Queen.

So Kiera, if you get to read this, I respect you and I am grateful I have chance to read The Selection Series.

As I repeat this is my personal opinion of the book. I liked a lot. 

Kisses

See you next time!!!

MB

Too much Divergent for G.

When I was hired as assistant in this textile industry never thought or see the hard way that was ahead, the first ten months were the hardest always I was making mistakes in my ex-boss opinion, he said several times that I was never on time, he was a tough man, rude one. After that time He was promoted to other plant, the new was all the opposite, he never complain about my job it was a shame that he got moved to other department. The third one, can’t said anything bad of him, was an utterly gentlemen. He demonstrated me he trust me in all sense at work. Three years later he was promoted to the same plant of the first one. Then one day the forth came in, was a strange mix of the first and third, those were the most and totally dark days. The question is did I survived?

I will tell you how.

I saw that movie, Devil wears Prada. Andy’s boss was as same as mine. That said me, if she a Journalist could to do it, so do l. It had cheered me up and as the alcoholic programs (AA) say, I just started to say to myself: Just this day, if you could only get through this day you have won. So I did. At the same time I was attending my engineer classes, make the operation. I was working and studying at the same time I was struggling to keep calm and remain silence when the big chiefs and VP’s spoke in meetings, developing new task and responsibilities. My stress levels were growing faster, I was always angry and tired and sleepy, and they never noticed, they just wanted the work and reports done no matter how was I, if I was sick or suffering pain they wanted the work done and fast. Without mistakes or any changes from my side, the only changes allowed were theirs; mines were the biggest errors of life. My personal life remains in the back. No dates, no friends. No social meetings no parties, those were dark days. I was too tired even to talk with my mom.

At the end of the fifth year I was transfer to other department, my new tasks and responsibilities were the half. It was a different environment a happy one with almost one hundred technicians and me. Even my new boss was kinder and less stressed. That change help to get over the last year of college. But something was happening I was getting depressed cause the routine was always the same. On 2013, more exact January. I get to know and read the Hunger Games Books later that year I read the entire Shadow hunter’s series from Cassandra Clare in 30 days including The Infernal Devices books. What I learned? If you want a change you have to make it happen, don’t trust everyone; don’t tell your secrets or plans. Half of the people you know don’t really care. If you want something, work for ti, make it happen.

For me is a shame to have learned this very late, in my opinion but not late to not work for it.

Thanks to my little sister, Divergent Series came to my hands, in on phrase. If you don’t fit, don’t change. Be yourself. Make changes happen. You might not see the rewards to seconds after deciding what to do or maybe you will. Our choices, my choices will help or ruin others. So we have to be careful on making them.

The same thing happen with The Selection Series from Kiera Cass, fear can bring you down, battles can make you weak o strengthened you, If you or I want something we must fight for it and don’t give up.

Trying to fit in some place you are not pleased to stay but you must stay it’s like using a shoe size smaller than yours. Like if you are 8 ½ but you want that unique sparkle red shoes size 7, well they won’t fit not even if you have any surgery.  I have been too much time in this company trying to fit; well it’s time to Let It Go. That famous song from Frozen, yes I admit it, fear have been the chain that had tied me up for too much time. It is my time to see my real potential without any fear at all trusting in God’s help will come if we, if I come to Him.

This is what I learned from the mentioned series. 


Have nice weekend.... mine will be awesome!!!!

Kisses

Learn from the past

Like today... was some kind of joke. With a co-worker we start talking about our jobs and the tasks ahead of us... I don't know how we get to the topic of the SALARY... she got a rise of 5% with only like two years working there. Then was my turn, I got 4%  with almost seven years working there, and the recepcionist who just started in the past January got a 15% with only 6 months!!! I must say that my friend and I are engineers and the other girl had just grauduate from high school.

So, this made think about what Am I doing where practically I am not being noticed?

Went trought my mind I find out the it has been enough, I have aplied for more than a dozen of positions with no positive respond. I end up with a list of what my mistakes have been.

1. The frog color, it doesn't matter if you got early, or you ran like crazy in the middle of the plant, if you don't have a good relationship with your boss, it is clear where are you going to end. In the shadows of everyone who has the frog color.
2. Talk to everyone in front of the boss. they must see you talking, about work, let the social themes for facebook o Strabucks smootie after work. (I do talk to a lot a people but it seems there is no evidence clearly enough to convince my boss of that) those are the "good relationships" that will help you to move on the job of your dreams.
3. Control your tongue.  I know its hard to acomplish but not impossible. We must keep silent, the time will come, and that will be our chance to talk to explain our selfs. Don't send a rush of words you might regret later. If your boss is yeilling at you, KEEP CALM, breath and wait for the time, don't lower yourself to the same level. KEEP CALM, wait and talk. That doesn't mean your boss will be always right. They are persons, the imperfect ones.
4. Send emails, memos o notes reporting what you have done, don't let other take what your work, remember the wind blows out the words, e-mails remain in the server, even when you thought are deleted. those are your witness. (And this will help you to get the frog color)
5. Said "Good morning" loudly, so everyone hears you. If you are not a morning person, we should start practicing in front of the mirror. Might be funny but it helps.
6. Take a few minutes to breath.  Got piles of paper to do? Breath.

What I have done? well I am on my process to change. If I can't change their minds, but I can change mine. I can learn from the past to move on. I think there are gonne be some huge changes around me.

See next time.

Kisses

MB.